A small Dose of humor...

Posts: 50 · Full Forum Member Joined: Sep 19, 2006 Posts: 50

che wrote:

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

Posts: 71 · Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:45 pm Post subject: Re: humor me

kribz wrote:

che wrote:

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

jokin' there? Rolling Eyes

heheh...

Posts: 50 · Full Forum Member Joined: Sep 19, 2006 Posts: 50

Bellatrix wrote:

kribz wrote:

che wrote:

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

jokin' there? Rolling Eyes

heheh...

ur correct!

Posts: 135 · Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 7:49 pm Post subject:

according to erap
what is the difference of potato and mashed potato
erap: tong t-shirt ko potato, pero yung mashed potato ung wristband ko..
hehe
joke joke joke...

Posts: 2 · New Forum Member Joined: Jan 02, 2007 Posts: 2

2 local highschool students are in front of the judge with a possesion charge each. The judge says that they have a somewhat of a contest to do to get out of this mess. The deal is whoever can conveince the most people out of 100 to stop using drugs and stay off will have the charges dismissed. The judge gave the two deliquents 30 days to secure as many recoveree's as possible....
(30 days later) the two defendants appear in front of the judge once again and were asked for their results. The first boy spoke up and said that out of 100 people he was able to convince 25 people not to use drugs ever again. The judge was rather impressed and asked how did you manage to make that happen? The boy replied "I drew two circles, one small one and one big one and pointed out that the big circle was your brain before drugs and the smaller circle is you brain after drugs." Well, the judge was awfully impressed. But now for your co-defendant, what say you? How many were you able to convince that drugs were bad and to never do them again? The co-defendant exclaimed "I was able to get 85 people to say that they would never use drugs again and they seemed real confident of that. WHOA!!! out cried the judge, "85 people?!?! Unbelievable! How did you do it? You must share with the court. "Well...", utttered the defendant " I infact drew the same two circles one bigger and one smaller, but instead I pointed to the smaller circle and explained that this is your @$$ before you go to prison and then to the bigger one... this is your @$$ after prison.

What I'm worried about is the other 15 people?

Posts: 1123 · Vonage Forum **MVM** Joined: May 26, 2005 Posts: 1123

That was good.

Posts: 109 · Vonage Forum Senior Joined: Jan 26, 2008 Posts: 109

canibus23 wrote:

i guess i dont have a sense of humor, because i didnt even find that even close 2 being funny

My guess is you know your own mind. Razz

I bet his survivors were at the reading of the will to see if they were going to be in the dough.

Posts: 109 · Vonage Forum Senior Joined: Jan 26, 2008 Posts: 109

When Bill Clinton was president he visited the Middle East and was walking along the shore of the Red Sea looking at a map of the region. Not watching where he was going he stumbled on a bottle partially buried in the sand and knocked the top off of it.

Well guess what? Out popped a genie and out of gratitude decided to grant him one wish. (Guess he was a trickle-down sort of genie.)

Clinton said, "My presidency has been pock-marked by all sorts of scandals and they make fun of me in the bars and on TV. I have been studying this map of all these different countries here in the region and thinking about all the wars and things. I think it would be a real nice thing if you could make peace here in the Middle East for me."

The genie frowned and gave Mr. Pres. a reality check. "Look here. These wars and conflicts here in the Middle East are the result of centuries and millennia of disputes over territory, sovereignty, and you name it. Religious fanatics and all that. Ask me something else!"

"OK, I have a problem with Hillary. She can be obnoxious, overbearing, arrogant, and the **** from hell. People just look at her and go 'EW'. She can be repulsive to people and she acts like she doesn't have a caring bone in her body and is waiting to crush all who stand in her way.

"Here is my wish: I want you to make Hillary the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world and fix it so she can never do or say anything wrong."

The genie chokes and says, "Lemme see that map of yours again...."

Posts: 109 · Vonage Forum Senior Joined: Jan 26, 2008 Posts: 109

Bill and Hillary at the Fundraiser

It was meal time and the waiter asked Hillary, "Would you like the beef or the chicken?"

"I'll have the chicken."

"And for the vegetable?"

"Aw, give him chicken too."

I wish I had some jokes about this present Cheney/Bush cabal, but being one who has voted Republican all my life, all I can say I am ashamed that this puppet/stumblebum who has been wormed into office has done so much damage in the name of keeping us safe. (I just threw that in there for you die-hard Clinton fans.)

Posts: 109 · Vonage Forum Senior Joined: Jan 26, 2008 Posts: 109

Arthur_lw wrote:

I wish I had some jokes about this present Cheney/Bush cabal, but being one who has voted Republican all my life

Well, there was one I heard on Leno...
He said something like that it was time for the President's annual physical...

and the vice president has his annual autopsy next month.